I received a note from our government, a week before, informing me that I would receive the paperwork for the 2010 "Census". The following week I received it, and excitedly I opened it, ready to do my part in being counted.
I was taken aback when I came across the question: What is Person 1's race? Then the options were, box one, "white", box "two" Black, African Am or Negro? For some reason the term "negro" made me feel uncomfortable. For me "Negro" reminds me of the other "N" word. As I continued to think about it, I wondered how we were named Black Afro American, Colored and Negro. A few years ago, a little kid of a Latin girlfriend of mine, asked his mother, "Why are black people, called black; when they are brown?" Another time a white neighbor and I were talking and he had forgotten for a second that I'm a person of color, when he said, "black, colored or whatever they are calling themselves these days." Well of course I ripped him a new a**hole.
So when I received the "Census", I thought, "Why is there confusion in what we call ourselves?" It made me wonder, I don't believe we choose to call ourselves, "Colored" and "Negro". The phase "African American, perhaps we created that name, but does it truly define who we are? In our culture, a lot of us have all kinds of blood lines such as White, Chinese, American Indian, East Indian, etc., I'm sure you understand my point, however, if we look black, this defines us in society.
Our white brothers and sisters can claim to be part American Indian, or whatever, and it's accepted, whereas our black and brown sisters and brothers are just defined based on the skin color that we are wrapped in.
With DNA, many of us of all races will probably be surprised and shocked to discover that we aren't as White, Black, Latin, or Asian as we believe ourselves to be. In the meantime, my 2010 Census is completed and mail back to our government with a question mark on the term "Negro".
John Frazier Entertainment Correspondent & Editor, Chit Chat Magazine
Michael R. Moore Art Director
Alan Mercer Contributor
Omar Contributor
Mae Kwan Contributor
Skip Santana Contributor
Matt Bruno Contributor
Music Corner
Photographer to the Stars, Alan Mercer
Graphic Designer Patrick Keefer
Legendary Hollywood Make Up Artist, Rudy Calvo
Doing it the "rite" way, Tony Enos
KTLA's Prime News diva, Markina Brown
Behind the Make-up the Divine Ms. Carmen Xtravganza
By John Frazier Sr. Entertainment Correspondent & Chief Editor
The remake of "We Are The World", for the victims of Haiti, didn't have the pleasure of having Beyonce and Jay-Z to the mix. What happened?
The famous couple was in town at the time of the event as reported on "Entertainment Tonight". More news on the diva, it's rumored that she and Russell Crowe are considering the remake of "A Star Is Born", this would be the 4th time, as Barbra Streisand (1976), Judy Garland (1954) and Judy Gaynor (1934). Beyonce wants to become a serious actress, but in my opinion this will not happen if she continues to play singers.
On 60 Minutes she stated that she wants to be the next Barbra Streisand, so I have a feeling that Ms. B. will be producing, directing, singing, and writing her own future films.
By the way, did you hear that Ms. Knowles opened a beauty school in her husband's hometown, Brooklyn, NYC. Beautiful when the celebrity's give back.
Ugly Betty cancelled, it's the last season for this wonderful, extremely talented show, and sadly, as when Ms. Vanessa Williams appeared on Regis and Kelly she spoke about how devastated the entire cast is.
But as for Ms. V., she' rehearsing for a limited production on the legendary, Stephen Sondheim, 80, called, "Sondheim on Sondheim", previews start Mid March, show opens in April thought-out the summer at Studio's 54's Round Table.
It will showcase Mr. Sondheim's music. In the meantime, perhaps if the ABC station had not switched the show, "Ugly Betty", from its original time, it wouldn't have lost its fan base.
Let's bring them back for another four years. I say to the Ugly Betty fans write your letters to ABC. Or perhaps another network will pick them up.
Brandy and her brother, Ray J have a reality show coming on the air, and it's to get exposure for her family business.
Now I love Brandy, but do we need another reality show. I confess I have enjoyed some recently but enough already!
Now Brandy's younger brother, Ray J., more famous for being the sexy, handsome, stud in a personal porn film with Kim Kardashian, has his own reality show and he's some good "eye candy", he has a straight and gay following.
You know the "children" became fans after the rumors about his equipment and good looks. Now Ray J. has another season, "For the Love of Ray J.", on VH-1, in his quest for love and celebrity.
I've watched this reality show a few times, and I ask, "Where are the sisters?" And to his management, he really should be acting, he's that wonderful in front of the camera. Hello? Are you listening??
Wonderful News
Nhojj's Single "Love"
Reaches #2 on the MTV Music Top 100
This may be the first time that a song with a gay theme has achieved such a feat!... even beating out Beyonce, Lady Gaga and Justin Timberlake this month.
Njojj is also the first black gay American to win the "OUTmusic Award from the Alliance of Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Recording Artists and Performers. "Love" was named R&B/Soul Song of the Year".
We had the pleasure of interviewing Nhojj for GBM News, before his career took off. I told him at that time, he was going to be huge. I love my crystal ball. Now only if I could predict the lottery numbers.
John Mayer makes racist comments in Playboy magazine
When asked about black women he may find attractive, he said and I quote, "I always thought Holly Robinson Peete was gorgeous. Every white dude loved Hilary from "The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air." And Kerry Washington. She's superhot, and she's also white-girl crazy.
Kerry Washington would break your heart like a white girl. Just all of a sudden she'd be like, "Yeah, I sucked his d**k . Whatever." And you'd be like, "What? We weren't talking about that."
That's what "Heartbreak Warfare" is all about, when a girl uses jealousy as a tactic." What? What the hell is he talking about?
Sounds like John thinks that our black women (Kerry Washington) would prefer to be white.
Yes, Ms. Washington's husband is white, but the sister has been nothing but be a proud black woman.
During his concert he apologized to his audience for calling black people the "N" word in his Playboy interview,
he claims that he was trying to be clever, but instead sounded more like a fool.
His band is mostly black. Interesting?? I really don't think that our ebony sisters are broken hearted that Mr. Mayer isn't into them.
Holly Robinson-Peete has come to John Meyer's defense, as she tweeted, "I seriously do not believe John Mayer is a racist. ... But by tweeting he likely wasn't racist ... and for seemingly mounting a defense for his racial insensitivities I got twitter-slapped by my peers and labeled a "Mammie."
And after 25 years in the business that's a first for my resume." Mrs. Robinson-Peete isn't a "Mammie" nor is she blind to the situation.
I have a feeling that Mr. Mayer was trying to be "all that" when he was interviewed by Playboy and Playboy just went running with it. I'm sure he won't allow them to interview him again.
Lucky am I, to come across the first black American female idol, the divine Ms. Dee Dee Sharp, who's hits are "Mash Potato Time", "I Really Love You", "I'm Not In Love", "Ooh Child", "Happy Bout the Whole Thing", performance in the Netherlands, it's on YouTube and the legend is singing Little Anthony and the Imperial's classic, "Going Out of My Head" and it's fantastic, total perfection.
We need a CD from this beautiful diva, singing nothing but ballads and classics. We need to acknowledge this wonderful lady; she's definitely a part of our musical history in American, in black American history and around the world.
Tiger Woods is still number one in the gossip circles as it was reported that he and his wife are still trying to make the marriage work. The professionals are calling him a sex addict, but I have a feeling that secretly, the brothers are calling him a stud. Another mistress has come forward, for her 15 minutes of fame.
It amazes me that the media has made these women celebrities. The 20 plus women who had an affair with Tiger, should feel ashamed instead of playing the victim. The woman who everyone should feel sorry for is Mrs. Woods, who seems to have a lot of strength throughout this drama.
Tiger finally faced the media but to be honest with you, why did he have to apologize to us? That situation is between Mr. and Mrs. Tiger. Now I'm not a huge fan of the brother who doesn't want to be connected to his African roots but his world has been a totally white world. In recent years have we seen other black men interested in golf and that's usually our rich black brothers.
But back to Tiger, of course he would think that blond and blue is beautiful. And look at the other athletes, many of our black brothers, once successful, find comfort in the arms of our light or white sisters. Now love should be color blind, but one should not deny his own culture. And let's not forget our beautiful dark brown sisters. That's right, damn it, I said it!
Round-up
Can't believe Dr. Conrad Murray, accused of murdering the late great genius, Mr. Michael Jackson, could spend only 4 years in jail, for involuntary manslaughter. Now I agree, that Mr. Jackson is part blame, but anyone, like myself, who has suffered from insomnia may understand what it's like to want to sleep and can't.
There have been times when I've taken a few extra sleeping pills and still sleep didn't come. Mr. Jackson's death is a wakeup call to all insomnia victims. Sometimes it's best to just wait it out till you pass out. In the meantime, I can't imagine the Jackson family allowing such a deal to happen. There's more to come I'm sure.
Ms. Janet Jackson and ex-lover, Jermaine Dupri reunited, professionally anyway, in the music studio for her upcoming new CD, no release date yet. I hope that it's a completely new sound. Plus the diva is said to be working on a book. What type of book, I don't know.
The wonderful news is that Ms. Jackson's vocal will be heard on the new "We Are The World". Perhaps at this printing the single will have been already released. And "Why Did I Get Married 2", will be released in the theaters on April 2. Tyler Perry said Janet's acting her ass off, she was able to use some of her bottled-up emotions in the film. Oscar buzz, perhaps.
I hear Melanie Fiona's CD and it's interesting. The girl can sing, however, after originally hearing the single, "It Kills Me", which has handsome, sexy, Latin lover, Adam Rodriguez in the video, I thought it would be a complete R&B CD. Well it's not really.
The talented singer, borrows music tracks from yester years, like the 1950 - 1960's. If you're a Motown fan, you will hear samples from Martha Reeves, "Jimmy Mack", the Supremes, "My World Is Empty", along with a host of other music treasurer's. For me, the best cut is the single released.
Is Trey Songz the new R. Kelly? He's sexy, handsome, and his music is definitely for the 18 and older audience. He has a killer smile, toned muscled body and nice vocals but he's talking about pulling back the sheets and doing the nasty.
This is talented producer, writer, singer and actor is doing it his own way. On his website, he's selling everything from shirts with his image, check it out if you're a fan.
Sexy, (we don't know if he's gay, bi or whatever, do we care? Some of you do) Soulja Boy was sentenced to 12 months probation for trying to get away from the police, by car, of course and ordered to pay $1,000. (peanuts).
The drama happened when neighbors complaint of noise during the rapper's filming of a video for his new CD, "Teenage Millionaire", to be released this summer. Talk about being humble, I think not. He's also writing a book about his life. What life? He's only 19 years old.
Foxy Brown's talking a lot of sh*t, on her new project,"Off The Muscle" in regard to Lil Kim and Jay-Z. Now I haven't heard the cut yet, and I'm not sure I would understand it, if I did.
As you know, it's a different form of English. But I thought we were trying to get away from that, black on black crime. When will the jealousy and backbiting stop? Kim and Jay could really care less about what Foxy has to say. Give that studio time to someone else. It's rumored that this cut was suppose to be deleted from the final of the CD. Yeah, right.
Funk master and legend, Mr. George Clinton's son, George Jr., 50, was found dead on February 1. No foul play at the time of the investigation. George Senior, 68, was just at the Grammy's, no one would have known of his recent loss.
Jennifer Hudson, Yolanda Adams, Natalie Cole, Joan Baez, Bob Dylan, Smokey Robinson, John Mellencamp, the Blind Boys of Alabama, and a host of others celebrated at the White House in honor of the civil rights movement.
If you haven't seen it already, check PBS stations. And by the way, did you know that after giving birth to her son four months ago, Ms. Jennifer is pregnant…………..again.
Monique wins Oscar for best supporting actress as she's preparing for her tour to "Spread the Love" starting on March 19 in New Orleans at the Kiefer UNO Lakefront Arena.
Now if you're not into the cussing and hearing the four letter words, then perhaps you are will betteroff seeing the diva on BET. Sister Monique is making big bucks, she has a nighttime entertainment show on BET, a golden globe award, an Oscar, happily married and in a wonderful, blessed place.If she's in your city, support her. She's earned it!
First "the View" and now "the Insider", has fired Ms. Star Jones. Now I've never met this brilliant attorney, and there are two sides to every story. Perhaps her strength scares a lot of folks.
Jazz artist and spoken-word legend Gil Scott-Heron has released a new CD after years absence due to falling on hard times and spending time in and out of jail. Now he's back and his new CD, "I'm Still Here", has many saying that it has shades of the late Johnny Cash in its sound, soul and spirit.
The CD is fresh, raw, honest and pure. 15 cuts on this CD and I still wanted more. I have a feeling that upon his return, he will indeed receive a Grammy for this work. Many may recall Mr. Scott-Heron's, classic songs, "Home is Where The Hatred Is", and "The Bottle", his use of words is pure magic as its sometimes extremely dark and yet rich.
Broadway diva and gospel recording star, Heather Headley gave birth to a baby boy on December 1, 2009, and no one in the media knew. How can this be? She, her hubby, former NFL star Brian Musso and baby named John David are doing fine.
Sexy R&B singer, "Sex Therapy" Robin Thicke, and wife, actress, Paula Patton are expecting in May. The couple had been practicing birth control but the mighty Robin has super sperm as they are calling it.
The couple met and fall in love in high school. Isn't that amazing? I'm so happy for the both of them. This will make dad, Alan Thicke a granddaddy.
Mike Tyson dancing up a storm on "Dancing with The Stars" but not here in the states, he's over in Italy. He's probably getting more respect there, thanhere in the USA.
Singing and actress, Toni Braxton is said to have a CD, "Pulse" soon to be released and yes, she has a reality show in the works. It's rumored that her marriage is in trouble and is headed towards divorce. Also the diva has had health issues with her heart, in 2008 and came close to retiring. Ms. Braxton, as it's been reported, owes $12,500 on her home and the mansion is in foreclosure. The reality shows are quick money and exposure without the expenses. Hang in there Ms. Braxton, your fans love you.
Contestant, Jermaine Sellers, on American Idol was a former contestant on BET's "Sunday's Best". When I saw him, I was taken aback, I called my sister, Charisse, immediately. On Sunday's Best, he was one of the finalists but on American Idol, it was felt that he gave a "diva" attitude after his performance of Michael Jackson's, "Man In The Mirror", that could have caused him to go home.
Lucky for him, he was voted to stay. Oops, I spoke too soon, the second week and Mr. Sellers, the mouth, was voted off by not getting enough call in votes. When asked if it was his attitude, he replied, "In God there's no failure". Well there were no votes either. Brother man needs to learn to be a little more humble. Instead of "leading by example", he came off like a bible beating church boy. Even though he's a cute guy, the television audience wasn't feeling him and his huge ego.
Matthew Knowles, 59, Beyonce's father, ordered to pay $8,200.00 per month for child support. He's denied being the father. As the Supremes sang, "Love Child, never meant to be", DNA test , at the time of this printing, should have been done.
The baby mama, Alexsandra Wright, and baby, Nixon, are doing fine. Mr. Knowles was ordered to pay for medical expenses. Where's Maury Povich when we need him?
Entertainer and rising star, Tony Enos is keeping busy promoting his current CD, "Did It Rite". Rumor has it that the Logo channel may be interested in doing a reality series with Tony as its star. Now I don't know it the rumors are true but it would be wonderful to watch the makings of a Superstar.
Newly divorced and back in the game, singer, songwriter, Kelis is about to drop her new CD, "Flesh Tone" after a four year absence. Her single, "Acapella" has jumped to number 3 on the dance charts.
Many may remember the diva's earlier hits, " I Hate You So Much Right Now" and "Milkshake". This outing she has teamed up with producer David Guetta, who has worked with Kelly Rowland, the Blackeyed Peas among others. Kelis might have a Grammy award winning product on her hands.
Hatred still alive and well, even in this day and age, American Idol winner, Fastasia received a racist fan letter, telling her to "go back to where you came from and die", also the letter had the "N" word. Since her reality show, many ignorant and jealous ," White" folks are upset by her success and fame (and let's not forget the Uncle Tom's).
The singer lives in an upscale area in Charlotte, NC. However, in Charlotte, NC, you will still find many "white" people who have the confederate flag hanging outside of their front doors. Fastasia isn't bothered by the letter, however security has been increased.
Another "America Idol" member, the "in your face", who came in second, Adam Lambert, is reported as saying, when he heard "Britain's Got Talent" Susan Boyle's CD, he thought the CD was so horrible that he couldn't stop laughing.
However, folks, Adam's CD sold $500,000 copies whereas Ms. Boyle's sold 1 Million and counting. Ouch! Mr. Lambert's needs to stop talking to the press if he can't say anything nice in regard to another fellow performer.
Curtis Jackson aka rapper 50 Cent is being sued by Lastonia Leviston, who claims that the rapper placed a sex video on worldwide web without her permission. She also claimed that Mr. Jackson edited the video and inserted himself, wearing a wig, as narrator.
Now 50 Cent is not having sex in the video, it was Ms. Leviston and a lover. It will be interesting to see what happens. The amount that she's suing for was not available. Tune in tomorrow.
Fans walked out on International Superstar, Ms. Whitney Houston, 46, and still trying to prove that she can sing like the Nippy of old. It appears that during while she was singing "I Will Always Love You", she stopped, drank some water that continued to sing.
The problem, according to our sources, she was not able to hit the long hit note. Now her publicist said that the rumors are not true, that there were people dancing and singing along with Ms. Houston. There's been no mention on when the diva will do a USA tour. Hopefully if and when she's ready.
Fat actress star, Kirstie Alley revealed that she has a crush of Oscar and Grammy winner, Mr. Jamie Foxx, when she appeared on the Oprah show. Ms. Winfrey already knew about the crush and surprised Ms. Alley when Mr. Foxx appeared on the huge television show.
Jokingly, Mr. Foxx said that he would love to be Ms. Alley's booty call. Also rumored that there's nude photo of Jamie floating all over the internet. Have you seen it? Maybe Kirstie's has.
Model, Naomi Campbell, accused of beating up her limo-driver. The NY Post headlines: Driving Miss Crazy. This happened in NYC, she gave the driver a black eye, then run down the street, before the police arrived. According to the drive, Ms. Campbell asked him if her billionaire boyfriend is cheating on her.
When the driver would not answer the question, he was rewarded with a black eye, however there were no criminal charges filed. 24 hours later the driver apologized? Say what? This doesn't make sense, but I have a feeling that the driver was paid off nicely.
Vivica Fox appeared on the Wendy Williams show, where she informed her host that she has a new boyfriend, Slim, who more than 10 years younger. When asked about rapper, Flo-Rida, Ms. Fox stated that he's dating singer, Brandy. Again, when asked about 50 Cents, she said that all is good, friends again.
The "Black-eyed Peas" are being accused of stealing song, "Boom, Boom, Boom", The supposed owner, Ebony Bats, of this song, said that she was shocked when she heard it on the radio.
Ebony sent the song to the Black-eyed Peas management company. Hopefully Ebony has the song copyrights to this song. I have a feeling with the money made from this song, it might be settled out of count.
Once one of the sexist neo-soul recording artist, D'Angelo, "How Does It Feel? ", where he appeared in the video butt-naked, has fallen on hard times, as the once sexy body has ballooned up and the singer was reported in trouble for soliciting sexual favors for a police officer in NYC.
Prior he was charged with cocaine possession and marijuana. Perhaps fame brought the trouble as it can be hard staying on top of your game. Everyone loves a good come back story, hopefully we will be able to witness such fate for the man all the girls and boys wanted to play with.
Howard Stern's has decided to poke fun at Tiger Woods as Mr. Stern had a beauty pageant for the Tiger mistresses. Stupid. On top of that, Mr. Stern has poked fun at the Precious break out award winning star, Gabourey "Gabby" Sidibe, commenting on the actress size. I just wonder if the shock-jock, Mr. Stern's has a mirror?
Mr. Stern's said, "That's the most enormous, fat black chick I've ever seen. She is enormous." Ms. Sidibe a "Showtime" series and it's reported two movies in the works. Whereas Mr. Stern's movie……. Oh that's right, he doesn't have a movie career and his sidekick, Robin should be ashamed of herself as she "Oh Howard! Laugh, laugh, laugh, Oh Howard!", has sold her soul to the junkman.
Beautiful engaged couple, Eva Marcille and Lance Gross are involved in planning the wedding to take place in July 2010. Many may remember Eva from Tyra Bank's America's Top Model, as Eva was the first winner. Lance can be seen in Tyler Perry's, House of Payne, and also in movie, "Our Family Wedding".
Lance proposed to the Eva last Christmas, 2009, " I knew the day I laid eyes on her because I just got that feeling," says Gross who said he fell in love with Marcille instantly. "She took full control of my heart and is the only woman that has ever made me feel that way-that's how I knew she was special."
Sir Elton John appeared on "The View". When asked about American Idol, he told the ladies and that the American Idol audience was racist, during the time that Fantasia, Jennifer Hudson and other black girl, were contestants.
He continued to say that instead of 1 black girl (Fantasia) and 2 white people, the best should have been the three black girls. He ended his statement by saying," but look at where Jennifer Hudson has accomplished".
Shontelle has just released a single, "Licky (Under the Covers)", with various club mixes, just in time for the Spring and Summer. The club goers will enjoy the catchy lyrics, the beats and it's radio
This is a follow-up to her 2008 debut "Shonetelligence".If you like the Brittany Spears kind of songs, then this is definitely for you. More on this beautiful singer, click here: www.shontellemusic.com
R&B Singer, Monica and Rocko, her baby daddy, are no longer a couple. There are no details on why, however, Ms. Monica has asked the public to respect them at this difficult time. In other words, stay out of their business.
Every relationship goes through a rough patch; maybe the two of them will get back together, if it's meant to be. That's it for the music corner.
Estelle's CD single, "Freak" will be the "Vogue" kings and queens delight. The beats are fierce, but its sample, "Soul to Soul's" classic, "Back to Life" . The video is fabulous. This song is going to be huge, especially in the LBGT community.
The video was directed by Nabil Elderkin. "Freak" was produced by David Guetta, who's the music genius behind the Black Eyed Peas, "Boom" "Boom" "Boom" and Kelly Rowlands, "Love Takes Over". Summer 2010, this song will be "off the hang!"
Leela James is bringing old school soul singing back, according to bio, she has captured the gritty emotion-drenched essence of artists like Aretha Franklin, Stevie Wonder, Mavis Staples and Marvin Gaye, releases on May 25, her debut album, "My Soul", on legendary Stax Records.
This could be the CD that makes her a household name. Click here to listen to the first single, "Then Tell Me You Love Me.
By John Frazier Sr. Entertainment Correspondent & Chief Editor
This wonderful gentleman that I'm blessed to call friend, has achieved so much with the camera. In his bio it states that he is best known for his portraits and publicity photos. He's able to capture the essence of his client's inner beauty. His roster of celebrity clients is amazing. He's worked with Quentin Tarantino, Steven Spielberg, Freda Payne, Jessica Simpson, Julie Newmar, Stefanie Powers, Giles Marini, Priscilla Presley, Marlena Shaw, Jane Lynch, Sean William Scott, Roseanne Barr, Ricky Martin, Mario Lopez, Pamela Anderson, Linda Gray, Linda Clifford and Thelma Houston to name a few.
His photos have appeared in magazines: People, Playboy, Billboard, Essence and the list goes on and on. Many of the CD and DVD covers for entertainers are his work, just look at his work for legends, Smokey Robinson and Etta James, you will understand why he's in demand. And we are blessed to have him associated with "Chit Chat" magazine. With excitement it was decided that Mr. Alan Mercer would grace our cover.
The Los Angeles based Photographer found time to let me ask him a few questions. I found him to be extremely grounded, enlightening and honest. Trust me, you will too.
THE INTERVIEW
John: Where were you born? Alan: In Ardmore, Oklahoma, but I never lived there. I grew up in Nebraska and Texas.
John: How many brothers and sisters do you have? Alan: I have one of each. I am the oldest.
John: At what age were you when you realized that being behind the lens would be your profession? Alan: By the time I was 19 I knew I wanted to do this but I got sidetracked with art for a while.
John: You are the photographer to the "Stars", it's seems that every photo of a celebrity that I like, I discover that it's your work. What makes your work different from your contemporaries? What's makes your photos stand out? Alan: Perhaps the fact that I am so designed to do what I do. I work from my heart and I have my own vision so that makes the work stand out I think.
John: You have worked with Ms. Freda Payne, Ms. Thelma Houston, Ms. Dee Dee Sharp, and recently Ms. Marlena Shaw, among many others, what makes you stay grounded, remain normal?
Alan: I just work and it is hard at times so even though I work with these luminaries I am not them. I am naturally a grounded person to begin with.
John: What celebrity would you love to work with? Alan: There are so many that it's hard to name just one but how about Diana Ross, Barbra Streisand, Dolly Parton, just to name three!!!
John: Who was the first celebrity client? How did it come about? Alan: Character actor Danny Trejo was my first celebrity client. It happened because I called his agent when I lived in Texas and asked if he would pose for me and he said yes.
John: Do you get nervous before a celebrity shoot? Alan: Yes I do. I have a good reputation to produce striking images so I want every photo to be what the client wants.
John: How do you prepare for an assignment? Alan: I just make sure the batteries are charged and that I have everything I need. I also learn as much as I can about the subject.
Alan with actress Linda Gray
John: You seem to always be working, how do you relax? Alan: My work and my hobby are the same so I can relax by taking photos and working in photo shop for fun! I also listen to music and meditate.
John: Can you cook? And so, what's your favorite dish to prepare? Alan: I can cook and I like to make many things but Italian food is the most fun.
John: Are you gay? Alan: Out and proud!
John: Are you involved, romantically? Alan: As much as possible!
John: Do you have or want children? Alan: No, not in my destiny this life time. I have two nephews and a niece that I adore.
John: Do you lend your celebrity to any causes or benefits? Alan: If asked I sure do.
John: What would your fans be surprised to learn about you? Alan: Maybe that I am quiet and reserved more than I am out going. Also I know very little about photography.
John: What's your favorite color? Alan: Some shade of blue purple.
John: What word do you hate? Alan: Poverty.
John: You are more than a photographer, you are an artist, what would you like to be remembered for? Alan: For being a good guy who was kind to people and could occasionally take a good picture!
John: When working, do you have assistants? Alan: Sometimes I have no one and sometimes I have two or three, but most of the time I work with Eric Venturo as my creative partner.
John: You have such beautiful work, you are able to capture the essence of whomever you're photographing, will you publish a collection, a book of your work? Alan: Within ten years I believe I will. I want to do some more work first.
John: I don't want to give the impression that you only with entertainers, you work with the general public as well, how would one make an appointment with you? Alan: Anyone can hire me of course. I do many actor head shots for up and comers and newbies. I also shoot family portraits and more. I am very open to earning a living with a camera.:
John: What's your favorite word? Alan: Love.
I would like to take this time to thank Mr. Alan Mercer for all that he has done with "Chit Chat" magazine and for allowing us to peek inside of his world. To check out his beautiful work and/or to contact him, go to hiswebsite.
By John Frazier Sr. Entertainment Correspondent & Chief Editor
A very close and dear friend, Mae Kwan, who happens to be associated with "Chit Chat" brought this gentleman to my attention and I'm glad she did. His work is fascinating, beautiful, brilliant and captivating.
The New York City born artist, Patrick Keefer, earned his BFA in Graphic Design. According to his bio, he visualizes the world as art and in 3-D and 2-D realms. I thought it would be interesting to explore the genius of the man. What does he really see? What makes him unique? Genius comes to mind.
INTERVIEW
John: According to your bio, you wrote graffiti all over your neighborhood. How old were you and why did you express yourself in this manner?
Patrick: I was 10 or 11 when I started really writing graffiti. Graffiti was a way to spread a message or an image really quick across a wide spectrum of people. It became a playground for my characters to live.
John: How old were you when you realized that you have this gift, this talent?
Patrick: I have been creative since as long as I can remember. I have always been interested in art, design and architecture. I was always drawing characters, painting on things I was not supposed to and taking apart everything I could get my hands on just to see how it works.
When it came to stenciling, it wasn't until college when I realized I was on to something unique. What I fell in love with about it is the whole process an image goes through from start to finish.
First I take a photo of a particular subject, bring that into the computer and using Adobe Illustrator create vectors on the images, print out the layers on paper, with an X-Acto knife sit for hours cutting the tiniest of details, build canvas and prepare if for paint, spray each layer a certain color chosen prior to painting, spray the final layer and step back and see what you have created.
The process for me is so relaxing. I get engulfed in being so focused, I loose track of time. The more time you put into a stencil, the more detail and clarity of the final image will have.
John: Where does your inspiration come from?
Patrick: My influences come from all around me, things I see, people I meet and especially other artists. Currently I live in Queens, NY.
I go on walks most days after work constantly observing my surrounding for anything that catches my eye. Such as a rusty sign or new graffiti, someone wrote since the last time I have been there.
John: Have you had any showings at any of the Art Galleries in NYC?
Patrick: I have never been featured in a NYC Art Gallery, I have participated in a few Art shows, and one night events.
John: Can you paint from a photograph?
Patrick: All of my stencil work comes from original photographs that I have taken. They are the basis of every piece. I have learned over time to carry a camera around with me so no opportunity gets missed.
John: When I visited your website, I noticed that you specialize in "paintings", "graphic" and "photographs". I would imagine this keeps you busy. Do you have assistants?
Patrick: Currently I have no assistants, I work full time doing Graphic Design, Painting is a passion of mine and I find time in my busy schedule to be creative with that medium. Photography is where my imagery is derived from.
I also work for an apparel company Wildboy! Clothing, designing T-shirts and other promotional materials. You can check them out at wildboyclothing.com.
John: I see that "Think more Ink" the name of your company, has a "photographs" option. Would someone who needs headshots or family portraits come to you?
Patrick: I am more of an artistic and edgy photographer. I became interested in photography as a direct correlation to my need of better imagery to stencil. I am self-taught, the better and cleaner my photographs are the more detail I then can capture in my paintings.
John: Do you have other paintings, graphics, and photographs not shown on your website?
Patrick: Yes I have walls, rooms filled with paintings, drawings, and sculptures.
John: Is your work one of a kind?
Patrick: My stencil work is genuinely one of a kind, in the sense there is only one painting made for each stencil I create. In the process of making the painting the stencil becomes too fragile and destroys itself after being sprayed over with paint.
John: I love your series, "Faces". Do you have any other "series" and if so, how would one be able to view them?
Patrick: I have created other series before such as my "Food" series. All my paintings I do have images of for people to view upon request. In the near future I would love to have all my work up on the web for people to view.
John: Your paintings are amazing. Do you have a favorite piece?
Patrick: Bridge 1 is my favorite as of now. Bridge 1 is from a photo I took on from the Brooklyn side shooting up at the Manhattan Bridge.
To me it is an accomplishment within myself to be able to create such a clean piece of art without using machines or silkscreen only a knife, spray paint and a lot of time.
John: Another favorite of mine, in Graphics, is "Fruit and Textures", again, what inspired you?
Patrick: Fruit and Textures is a book I designed to showcase fruits in groupings and then close up. The book in created in an accordion fashion allowing both sides of the book to be viewable. An interesting part of the book is that I fabricated it out of black foam-core and when completely closed it turns into the little black box. They book also contains no words, only images captivating its viewers attention.
John: Paintings, have you painted with your subject, model being present, as in a sitting?
Patrick: Yes, I would much rather have live subjects, when painting with oils. Oils to me is more of expressing a feeling or a gesture with the brush as opposed to stenciling where I strive for clean, exact with every cut of the knife.
John: Your painting, "Bridge 1", is another beautiful piece. The colors stand out, looks almost animated. Its spray painted on canvas. Do you first draw then paint?
Patrick: For my stencils I work from photograph. I vector (clean line draw) the whole image first on the computer. Test out different crop areas and then move forward to printing and cutting. The choosing of colors to spray comes from a feeling I get out of the image. For this particular piece the image is very balanced. The blues and browns compliment each other.
John: How long did it take to complete "Bridge 1?" Its size is 24"x36", how much would something like this cost?
Patrick: "Bridge 1" is made up of 8 stencils, totaling over 130 hours to create from start to finish. It is currently priced at $2,600.00
John: If I were to stop by your studio or place where you create, what would I find?
Patrick: Drawings, sketches hung all over the walls, of ideas for projects. Paintings stacked up finished or started, Tools lying around on the ground and a MAC Computer sitting on my tiny little desk, where I spend most my time.
John: When you're not working, how do you relax?
Patrick: In my free time, I hangout with friends, get outside and enjoy the day, listen to music, skateboard, sketch in my notebook. The usual stuff.
John: While creating, do you listen to music? If so, what kind?
Patrick: All the time! Music helps me get in the groove of sitting and staring at a computer screen for hours on end making vectors. When I am in the process of cutting out stencils, I usually put on my headphone playing all types of music. Some of my most played music is, Radiohead, Lupe Fiasco, Atmosphere, Aesop Rock, Red Hot Chili Peppers, etc. I love music in general; it is just another creative outlook on life.
John: What makes your work different than the other artist out there?
Patrick: Stenciling is a rare art form to begin with. The details and imagery are based only on the eye of the artist creating them. Even if to stencil artist started with the same image, their final paintings would never be the same due to person styles of cutting and color palettes used.
John: Many artists are legend, like Andy Warhol. What would you like to be famous for? Patrick: Fame is a hard thing to achieve in the Art world today. It was a different time when Andy Warhol was around. His status was that of today's Rock stars or Movie stars. Everyone knew who he was: Larger than Life. I would just like people to perceive my work for what it is.
Each image whether it be a person face or scenery, it was painted to show some kind of emotion. The colors chosen or expression on a face was done for reason. Something I want people to take away from my paintings is the time in which it takes to create one of these works. The time is worth it when a person says how much they appreciate something I create.
John: How would someone inquire about your work? Patrick: By E-mailing Patrick@thinkmoreink.com or on my site Thinkmoreink.com, there is a contact page which allows you to write comments as well as inquire about all artwork.
Thank you Patrick for taking the time to answer my questions. It was very enlightening. You are indeed talented and gifted. Let's chit chat soon.
Over the course of a career that has spanned more than thirty years, Rudy Calvo became one of the industries most sought after makeup artists. His prodigious talents have touched the faces of such notable celebrities as Halle Berry, Denzel Washington, Queen Latifah, Will Smith, Angela Basset, Natalie Cole, Chaka Khan, Jill Scott and living legends Etta James, Nancy Wilson and Gladys Knight among countless others.
Calvo's excellent reputation as the make-up artist to female vocalists is a natural outgrowth of his love for them. He is a passionate collector of vintage vinyl recordings, photographs, video clips, books and sheet music of such icons as Ethel Waters, Tina Turner and The Ikettes, Diana Ross and The Supremes, Josephine Baker and Patti LaBelle. LaBelle relied upon Calvo's extensive knowledge of her career for her autobiography, "Don't Block The Blessings."
As a result, Calvo helped provide a comprehensive discography and several rare photos that were incorporated into the book. Another discography that he was asked to help write was for the autobiography, "My Name Is Love," The Darlene Love Story. Currently he is working on his own book, "Songbirds", in which he pays homage to the careers of many legendary female vocalists and will feature his unique makeup techniques.
What initially began as a hobby has mushroomed into a full-fledged archival service know as The Rudy Calvo Collection. He has been called upon to lend his collection to the A&E "Biography" series, Lifetime's
"Intimate Portrait" and BET's "Journeys InBlack with Patti LaBelle" on which he was also interviewed.
Additionally he has worked on the British television special "Top Ten 60's Soul" and has been seen on the BBC biography series "Black Legend" based on the life of Diana Ross, as well as appearing on another recent BBC special based on the legends of the dance world called "Queens of Disco" for which he also provided images from his vast collection.
His collection has become an invaluable resource for record labels such as MCA, Warner Bros., Hip-O, Ace, Brunswick, Reel Music and Motown (A subject that he is considered an expert on); as well as writers, producers and recording artists researching material currently out of print. He has also been a US correspondent for the UK magazine "In The Basement" that is dedicated to real soul music. His collection has also been seen in books such as "Black Hollywood Tragedies" and "California Soul," which was based on the music of African Americans in the west.
I met Rudy Calvo nine years ago when I first moved to Los Angeles. He has been a great friend all this time. What a pleasure to share with you a little of my 'friend experience' with the one and only Rudy Calvo!
THE INTERVIEW
Alan: Hi Rudy, Do you think you are gaining a high profile reputation for your Collection?
Rudy: Yes, it's been growing for the last ten years little by little. Word got out in England especially so I have been getting more and more calls by people who are researching for certain photos or songs. It's taken on a life of it's own.
Alan: Was this your goal from the beginning?
Rudy: No, I have been collecting since I was a little kid. I did wonder why I was collecting as much as I was. It got to a point where I said, "What am I going to do with all this stuff?"
Alan: Was the collection started as a fan of the music?
Rudy: Yes, it was all about my love of the music.
Alan: When did you realize this could be something of importance?
Rudy: Years back when I got a call from Motown Records asking if I had any images of 'The Marvelettes?' It turned out I did have a few images in my collection that they didn't have. It ended up being the front and back covers of their box set called "Deliver The Singles."
Alan: Who at Motown knew that you had a picture?
Rudy: One of the art directors knew that I was a collector and they called and asked if I happen to have any photos? That was one of the beginnings.
Alan: Who is the most sought after artist that you have in your collection?
Rudy: Probably Patti LaBelle because I have had so many calls from different documentaries about her. I contributed nine photos for her autobiography. Patti always says, "Call Rudy because he will remember when I did something. He knows more about my career than I do." I get the calls about Labelle and Patti LaBelle and the Bluebelles.
Alan: Do you think Patti gave you a credibility as a Soul Music expert?
Rudy: She is one of the people. I did start out as her make-up artist, but I was a fan first and I had already started collecting her history. As I was working with her more and more she realized how much I knew about her career and how much I have collected about her.
Alan: Tell me about your Ikettes collection?
Rudy: I like anything relating to Ike & Tina Turner, but especially the early Ikettes, Robbie Montgomery, Venetta Fields, and Jessie Smith who are all dear friends to this day. Ace/Kent records released a collection of their Modern Records recording and my photo ended up on the cover.
It was a picture that nobody else had. I contributed a lot of photos and sheet music. Ady Croswell who is one of the heads of Ace Records, happened to be visiting Los Angeles and he came to my house for dinner, and he started going through my collection. He saw how much I had on the Ikettes. They already had a cover for the CD but it was the wrong grouping of girls. I said to him if they ever reissue the Ikettes CD it would be great to let me contribute some photos.
He went back to England and then got a hold of me and I have been contributing a lot for Ace Records. They are the premiere label for reissuing Soul Music, really any kind of music as a matter of fact. They are a pleasure to work with.
Alan: Do you consider yourself an expert on Soul music or 60's music or what?
Rudy: I LOVE IT ALL! I'm pretty much a walking encyclopedia of all music but I especially have a love for 60's Soul because I was collecting when I was a kid. The first record I ever bought was Dee Dee Sharp, "Rock Me In The Cradle Of Love." It's a very up tempo, gospel, type song. What made a kid of ten years old be so attracted to that sound? Something about it really attracted my spirit.
Alan: Did you hear these songs on the radio?
Rudy: Probably I don't remember.
Alan: Do you think anyone in your collection will be retro-hot soon?
Rudy: I've provided some photos of Brenda Holloway who was one of Motown's premiere female artists in the 60's. She did not get the proper dues back then. They just reissued all her pre-Motown recordings. She is someone I have been really passionate about collecting all these years; I had several images of her they had not seen.
One of them made the cover as well as the inside centerfold. Brenda has always been at the top of my list. She seems to be having a resurgence. She is better known over seas than here in the United States as most of these artists are. They are never embraced in the States the same way.
Alan: Why do you think that is?
Rudy: The over seas market seems to be filled with more connoisseurs of music and they go for more obscure stuff. They tend to embrace those songs that never gpt played here or sometimes even the B-side of some records.
Alan: What is your goal with your collection?
Rudy: I would like to donate it to a museum like the Schaumburg in Harlem, where I know it will be preserved and embraced.
Alan: Do you find your collection to be as gratifying as being a make-up artist?
Rudy: It's different. As a child and teenager I always wanted to be involved in music. Both professions have allowed me to work in the music industry. It's pretty fulfilling because I always wanted to work in this industry.
Alan: Are there any other projects you want to discuss?
Rudy: Yes, as you know, I've been working on a book with you and some other photographers. This is where I will utilize a lot of the collection because I am using a lot of vintage pictures of long forgotten artists who are not known here but they are women of substance who have contributed a lot to the music industry. Maybe they haven't had a hit in thirty years but the fact that they still work makes them relevant. They should be recognized.
The book will have a contemporary portrait and a vintage picture from their heyday. Another thing I am working on is compiling music for CD's. That is really exciting to me because I have always wanted to bring light to certain groups I am passionate about. I am working on a project I can't mention yet but it is thrilling for me to bring a lot of the music I have loved through the years back to life!
By John Frazier Sr. Entertainment Correspondent & Chief Editor
If you are a fan of GBMNews or "Chit Chat", you already know this rising star. I'm honored to have been the first person to interview him, and he was the first for me. You know you never forgot your first. We have developed a wonderful friendship; I'm like his older brother, which is wonderful. I believe our relationship is more than 2 - 3 years old now.
Throughout the years I've watched and prayed for this young talent brother to push through the clouds and become a household name. Every overnight success is never overnight. It's been great to be a part of his journey in friendship and fan. Tony has been extremely busy touring and interviewing, however he had time to "chit chat" with me, of which I'm grateful.
INTERVIEW
John: You have been a busy man.
Tony: Yeah, in a good way. (laugh)
John: I understand that you were one of the hosted on for Logo awards. What was that experience like?
Tony: I didn't host I presented, I introduced Rachael Sage, she performed her song from the movie, "Fame", it was a really awesome, really cool, really a positive experience, I've never done an award show like that.
I got a chance to meet a lot of cool people that I had spoken to but never met before, but chatted to on-line or whatever, and of course I showed up half naked, cause you know that's what I do. LOL.
John: How did all of this come about?
Tony: Originally they had approached me about performing, but the thing was it so was late in the game, and you know my brand, the "Tony Enos" brand, I'm not one of those artist who would just show up and get on the mic.
So we thought about it. (He didn't want to give his audience, his fans, anything less than 100%, so it was decided that perhaps he would perform next year. He expressed that he would be more than happy to present, it would be the next best thing for him to do.)
John: From what I've heard and read, you were giving fever! Like Cher on her variety show. Did Cher inspire you? Would you be interested in a Reality show showing your climb to success?
Tony: Definitely, definitely, the reality show genre never really interested me too much, but as long as my fans could be a part of it, I would be open to do it; I wouldn't have a problem with it.
John: I did an interview with Scherrie Payne, who is Freda Payne's sister (Band of Gold) and she also co-lead with Mary Wilson of the Supremes with the Supremes in the 1970 - 80's.
She agreed that the feedback is different overseas than here in the USA. Also Donna Summer had to go to Germany before she was accepted as a success here in the USA. Have you thought about touring around the world?
Tony: Absolutely, I thank God, knock wood, I've been so blessed to be able to sell records in five countries, that's special, not bad for a little boy with the big booty from the projects, to sell records. (laugh)
It's a reminder that there's a whole world out there and I definitely want to travel around the world.
The album has sold in the UK, Tokyo, and other countries, I'm still waiting for the numbers but it's been positive. I can't wait to go around the world to places that I've dreamt about as a child. I'm looking forward to it.
John: The USA is a little uptight about sexuality, whereas overseas they are a little more open, they will embrace your sexuality.
Tony: They are a lot looser, I agree.
John: I understand that you have an engagement this mouth, April.
Can you tell me about it? What makes this performance different than your former? And where is it taking place, cost, etc?
Tony: April 23rd is the opening night for the "Did It Rite" tour. It opens the first night in Philadelphia, the first of 11 cities, from east coast to west coast.
The first night it's at the William Way Center, in Philadelphia. It's different from my other shows because it's my first full length show. In a club, it may be a 15 -20 minute show, whereas, this show is a one hour and a half to two hour show.
In the past, I've tried to pair up with other entertainers but it didn't work, it's a different show in that respect.
Plus it's songs from the "Did It Rite" album, plus some old songs, that I said if I ever had the opportunity to do in a full length show, I would do it.
My family's going to be there, friends. (But he has some surprises for his fans, friends and family. He will have 8 or 9 wardrobe changes. It's a fresh brand new show. Plus this show will include his fan base starting from 14 years old.
He's looking forward to connecting with that audience as well. This is a real concert setting, teens are welcomed. His fan base of all ages are welcome. There's an after party for the adults.)
John: And what's the date of the show, again?
Tony: Friday, April 23rd at 7:00 p.m. at the William Way Center in Philadelphia.
John: Old songs? Recorded by other artists or your old songs?
Tony: Songs from other artists. You know I hold down (Diana) Ross. I will be doing a song that my mother used to sing to me before I fell asleep, but I don't want to spoil the surprise.
John: You know you are going to cry during this concert, right?
Tony: Well my family was at the CD release party for "Good Love", I did that song for the set, I am my mother's child, we are criers but it's going to be a good show.
John: What's the title of your CD again and how would one purchase it?
Tony: "Did It Rite", R.I.T.E. and it's available at www.CDBaby.com also available for download at I-tunes and www.amazon.com
John: For additional information and performance schedule, what's your website address?
Tony: Information is available at www.myspace/TonyEnos and TonyEnos@meekproductions.com and the bookstore at 12 & Pine Street - Guilann's.
I will definitely try to make this concert, and if you're a music lover, you should too. Thank you Tony for the "Chit Chat".
Photos by Alan Mercer Make-up & Styling: T.J. Romeland
Markina Brown is the primary meteorologist for KTLA's Prime News. She joined KTLA in August of 2008, from WOIO/WUAB-TV in Cleveland, Ohio. Prior to Cleveland, Markina worked at WBBM-TV, in Chicago, Illinois where she served as the weekday morning meteorologist. She joined the station as weekend meteorologist/weather reporter.
The Detroit native has a B.S. degree in Geosciences with a concentration in Meteorology from Mississippi State University, and from Central Michigan University, she's earned a B.A. in Broadcast Journalism and Cinematic Arts, and a B.A. in Political Science with a concentration in International Relations.
In addition to all of that, Markina holds the Television Seal of Approval from the American Meteorological Society and the National Weather Association.
She is also a member of the National Association of Black Journalists, National Council of Negro Women -- and is also a member of Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority, Inc.
Markina is the third reporter I have photographed from KTLA. As you can see from these photos she is a natural beauty with a lot of poise. I have a feeling she will be successful at anything she goes for. The fabulous TJ Romeland did hair, make-up and styling.
THE INTERVIEW
Alan: Hello Markina, How long have you been in Los Angeles?
Markina: Just since August of 2008, so really not that long.
Alan: Did you already have your job at Channel 5?
Markina: I came here for the job.
Alan: Did you work in television in Detroit?
MB: No Detroit is where I'm from but I never worked there. My previous job before Los Angeles was Cleveland, Ohio and then I worked in St. Louis before that and Chicago before that so I've been all over.
Alan: Were you doing the weather at all these stations?
Markina: Yes I was.
Alan: How did you get into weather?
Markina: A lot of people ask me if this was something I always wanted to do because a lot of kids are very interested in weather. It's always so intriguing to them, and not to say that it isn't to me, but growing up, this is not what I wanted to do.
Alan: What did you dream about doing?
Markina: I wanted to be a TV reporter, not an anchor, just a reporter. After I went to college I applied for my first on air job. They told me they wanted to offer me the job but it was weekend weather reporter. I told them I had never done weather before. I didn't want them to put me on TV thinking they were going to see this great weather person. I wanted to be upfront with them about that. The news director said they would teach me. So I started following the meteorologist at the station and went to school for it, and liked it. I loved it after I got my degree and I have been doing it ever since.
Alan: But you would be happy to have another kind of reporting job now wouldn't you?
Markina: Yes I am in Los Angeles now and there are so many other types of reporting that you see and that you can be open too. There are more options here. News is great and that's what got me here. I'll always have my meteorology degree. No one can ever take that away from me no matter what I do.
Alan: Was it a goal to get to Los Angeles?
Markina: That wasn't a goal until I got here. In 2008 I said to my then fiancé, "What do you think about getting out of here and going somewhere warm?" He was born and raised in Ohio so we both knew about big winters. He said he wouldn't mind it, so I talked to my agent about looking for a job here and got it.
Alan: Now that you are here you like it, and you have set your sights even higher.
Markina: Absolutely, you have to do that.
Alan: What is your ultimate goal?
Markina: I don't know. I can't answer that. If anyone would have ever told me that I would come to LA and be thinking of a job outside of news I would have said, "No way!" I can't say because I don't know.
Coming here all I wanted to do was the weather, now I am thinking about other things. Who knows, actress, game-show host, you name it.
Alan: Do you like interviewing people?
Markina: I do very much.
Alan: Is there anything else you want to tell me about?
Markina: No, we are here enjoying the sunshine. As far as my career goes, we will just have to see what happens.
Alan: Do you want to have a family?
Markina: I would like one child. I think I'd love to have one kid and if I can get that done I will consider myself to be extremely blessed and happy.
By John Frazier Sr. Entertainment Correspondent & Chief Editor
When I started this project Carmen was the first to agree that she wouldn't mind being interviewed. And she answered all questions honestly, truthfully and heartfelt. Carmen's lives a few blocks from where I grew up.
East/Spanish Harlem is a wonderful place to live as the cultures are unique and blended. I couldn't wait to hear what Ms. Carmen had to say. It's honest and raw. I wanted to speak to our transgender community and even thought we are under the heading, defined as gay, many of us do not have transsexual or transgender friends. Perhaps this will shed a little light.
INTERVIEW
John: . At first look at you, one might think, "drag queen", female impersonator", "transsexual", "transgender". How do you define yourself?
Carmen: I don't think of myself as any of those...I just think of myself as a unique first lady to my community.
John: When was the first time you put on a dress?
Carmen: I was 12 years old and I put on my sisters dress. From then on I fell in love with dressing in women's clothes.
John: How old were you when you realized that you were not like other boys?
Carmen: As far back as I can remember I never liked things that identitfied with being a boy. I always played with dolls and my sister and I were very close. So to answer the question I guess roughly about 5 or 6 years old.
John: In the LGBT community do you find that you are embraced on the level that our gay brothers and sisters are?
Carmen: At times.....I feel that I am supported by the whole community but I am not very politically active....there are so many subsets or factions of the LGBT community. Not everybody is of the same mind.
John: Have you experienced discrimination in the gay community?
Carmen: I don't think everyone in the gay community understands Transgendered women on the whole.. That's why I say that everyone is not of the same mind just because they are gay or lesbian.
John: With every new generation it appears that society becomes a little more accepting with same sex relationships, what would you tell a young kid who's confused about his/her sexuality?
Carmen: It depends on each individual situation....some people are just questioning and some kids might already know what they want at a very early age. But you have to be careful what kind of advice you give out to the youth.
In certain situations it might actually be dangerous even in this day and age of progressive thinking. There are family members, friends or others that may be very opposed to someone who is wanting express their sexuality freely.
John: Many of our female impersonators who are successful become legendary, what would you like your legacy to be?
Carmen: First of all, I would like to say that I am not a female impersonator. I live and I created who I am, Carmen Xtravaganza. I don't impersonate her..I am her. I come from the Ball community, and became a legendary icon in the early 80's. I would like to be remembered as someone who stood up against all odds and made myself into the woman that I am today!!!!!!
John: During your everyday life, are you viewed as a male or female?
Carmen: First of all I transitioned in my early life at the age 15 from male to female. The only thing that separates me from another woman is that I don't get a period!!! Thank God....
John: Being who you are, do you have a good relationship with your family and has it always been that way?
Carmen: Yes, early on I got alot of support from my father who was in the military. Not so much my mother at first but eventually she came around and became my biggest supporter. She protected me and loved me so much. She passed away just 7 years ago and I miss her so much.
She is my biggest inspiration! But now I have sisters and brothers who I am very very close to and they give a lot of support now.
I also have the support from my family through the House and they all have been a big inspiration and support for me as well. Especially my sister(best friend) Koko LaRue Xtravaganza.
John: In our community its beauty and youth, do you have any fears about getting older?
Carmen: Not at all.....I have no fears about getting old....I am 48 going on 49 but look 30....!!! I have nothing to fear when I get older I'll just be older but I'll still be fabulous.
John: How do you relax?
Carmen: With a boy...or watching old movies..I love all the classics. I love watching old movies with Rita Hayworth, Joan Crawford, Lana Turner, Ava Gardner,
John: When you date, do you prefer to date straight, bi or gay men or women?
Carmen: Is this a trick question?.....I don't date women and I don't believe in Bi. I do date men...straight men...or those that identify as straight.
John: Have you met any celebrities and what was that their reaction to you?
Carmen: Yes I have met many many celebrities in all forms of the entertainment, music and sports. Their reaction to me was very warm, natural and endearing. I will not like to name them at this time.
John: What do you think is the misconception about someone like you?
Carmen: I don't understand this question....Do you mean Transsexual women, Transgendered women, Ball Fem-Queens?????
John: After you've met someone what impression would you like to leave them with?
Carmen: I want someone to come away with the impression that i am a very neutral, serene and classy individual.
John: Are you a spiritual person?
Carmen: Yes, very much. I pray everyday without fail and have been all my life. However, I am not affiliated with any religious organization.
John: Do you lend your time to any organizations?
Carmen: No not really...Don't have the time right now. Eventually I would like to help young people who are like myself in any way I can.
John: Do you have any children or pets?
Carmen: Yes I do, I have a Staff Bull Terrier. her name is Sky Lakota Pink Xtravaganza. She's the love of my life.
John: In your social and/or professional life, many may think that you are over the top, in your private life, would you say that you're conservative?
Carmen: I don't think I am over the top...So I just live my life in a manner that makes me happy.
John: Describe your vision of a perfect world?
Carmen: I can't…here is no perfect world. But if we could be a little kinder to each other and a little more understanding the world would be a better place to live.
Thank you so much Ms. Carmen, thank you for sharing a small piece of your life.
I'm sure we were not able to capture the true essence of who you are but I would like to think that we have made a difference. We love you at Chit Chat, unconditionally. You are a treasure.
Soulful Pop artist Leah Driscoll appreciates comparisons to Aretha Franklin, but she sees herself more as the American Susan Boyle.
At 6 feet tall and well, let's just say over size 2, the small town girl from Maine may not be the cookie cutter pop star, but that is exactly what makes her special.
Leah Driscoll affirms to fans that there are no limitations when following a dream. If you have a voice - and Driscoll has a voice - then you can make it as a singer. Her new single, "If This Is Love", is an expression of her journey to self-acceptance.
"I didn't always love myself", she admits. "I've been overweight my whole life. On top of that, I was the tallest in my class. It was tough, especially for a sensitive kid."
Music has been Leah's salvation. She knew from an early age that she had an exceptional voice. In middle school, the quietest girl in class shocked her choir teacher when she belted a solo for him. His reaction: "a star is born." It was a glimmer of hope for Leah that people might see past her physical appearance.
Leah's biggest influence was, and remains, Aretha Franklin. The first time she heard "Respect" on an old cassette was a definitive moment for the young girl. It wasn't just the richness of Aretha's voice that drew Leah in. It was the conviction behind every word Aretha sang. It was a confidence that in her childhood and teens, Leah desperately wanted to feel within herself.
Whitney Houston was another influencer. "Whitney's voice represented the perfect crossroads of where R&B and pop music intersected: a huge voice with soulful sensibilities."
Whitney, or rather remixes of Whitney, introduced Leah to a new genre that she found equally empowering: dance music. "I absolutely fell in love with Hex Hector and Junior Vasquez's remixes. When Whitney's vocals soared above Junior's pounding beats in 'Step By Step', I felt her message in every fiber of my being."
"Soulful diva vocals are the biggest thing missing from today's dance floor," she continues. "I intend to bring them back."
If anyone can, it's Leah Driscoll. She has a huge, powerful voice and a wide range. Still, she knows that alone isn't enough to move people. She says artists must create their own distinctive sound. She's working hard to bring "character" and "personality" into her music.
"I have learned so much through my struggles and I want to share those lessons with fans."
Lessons like: do not judge people on the outside, especially over things they have no control over. Love yourself, no matter what. And a particularly big one to Leah: stand up for others in need.
"It is part of my life's purpose to be an advocate for people in need," she says.
That includes the gay community. Leah empathizes with the community's plight against discrimination and is a vocal proponent of gay marriage.
"We are all created equal and our laws should reflect that. It's unfair that I have the right to get married, and some of the people who have meant the most to me in my life don't have that option because of their sexual orientation."
She hopes the gay community will embrace "If This Is Love" as an updated version of Gloria Gaynor's thematically similar "I Will Survive."
"People love hearing a song that makes them feel 'yeah, I can go on, I can do this!'", she explains. "That's what "If This Is Love" is about. It's an edgy and modern kissing-off love song. I'm thrilled with how the radio version turned out and equally excited about the remixes."
Remixes by gay faves Groove Police (Josh Harris & Mike Rizzo) and Soul Seekerz are included on the maxi single.
"Ultimately, I want to change someone's life the way Aretha and Whitney changed mine," Leah Driscoll concludes.
"If I happen to win a Grammy while doing it, even better."
Kristine W's The Power of Music album has already proven its power on the dance scene with its first five single releases landing the #1 spot on the Billboard Hot Dance Club Play List. The latest to hit the chart is "Be Alright".
The dance floor diva now ties Mariah Carey among artists with multiple #1s on the Billboard Hot Dance Club Play List. Madonna tops the chart with 39 #1s, followed by Janet Jackson with 18. Donna Summer is third with 15, followed by Mariah Carey and Kristine W with 14. Whitney Houston ranks behind with only 12 #1s.
The next release from her album will be the title track where Miss W duets with legendary rapper Big Daddy Kane.
THE INTERVIEW
Skip: If anyone understands the power of music, it's you. How does music have the power to change people's lives?
Kristine: Music brings people together and connects us in ways we would never otherwise experience. It introduces us to people we would otherwise never meet.
Skip: What is the most powerful thing music has done for you?
Kristine: I was very young when my father died. Music saved my family because my mother was a gifted singer and musician and couldn't find a job doing anything else. She performed every night of the week to feed and raise four young kid
Skip: Why do you think your songs have resonated so powerfully with the gay community?
Kristine: My songs are about empowerment, survival, and hope. The gay community has struggled with acceptance - more from their families than even from society as a whole - which is the hardest rejection to face.s on her own.
Skip: When did you first realize you had such a strong gay following?
Kristine: When I played an event with Junior Vasquez in New York. I had no idea who he was at the time. I got on stage in front of 2000 shirtless men and thought wow - what happened?
Skip: How does your new album compare with your past albums?
Kristine: It is more uplifting. Making Fly Again (Kristine's previous album) was a tough time, not really knowing whether I would survive the effects of leukemia.
It was more of an album of purging my frustrations and dealing with the unknown.
Skip: What's your favorite song on The Power of Music?
Kristine: It changes everyday but at the moment it is "Be Alright."
I've been performing it a lot lately and I see how that message connects with people.
People who have never heard it are singing along after the 1st chorus and it seems to be resonating with people and making them smile.
There's not much to smile about these days. The economy is down. Terrorism is rampant. Gay men and women are still denied our right to marriage.
As my grandmother always said, attitude is everything. We have the power to elevate ourselves in any situation, if we really want to.
Skip: What do you think the gay community must do to reclaim our power?
Kristine: Stop allowing society to focus on the "dark" side of the gay community. It's time we show them the wonderful people we really are. The truth is we are more like them then they think - only better dressers.
Kristine W's The Power of Music is available on i-Tunes and Masterbeat.com now.
By John Frazier Sr. Entertainment Correspondent & Chief Editor
GBMNews published an interview on February 2, 2009, one that I'm most proud of. I had the opportunity to interview legend, Bettye Lavette. I found her to be honest, raw, real and down to earth. Speaking to her was like having a conversation with a cousin, sister or aunt. Well it's a little over a year since we had that "chit chat", and I'm happy to say that the great lady has a new CD that's about to be released. This lady of song, was born on January 29, 1946 in Muskeogon, MI, but was raised in Detroit. At age 16 she recorded her first record, "My Man, He's a Loving Man".
Many may recall that at President Obama's Inauguration celebration, Ms. Lavette sang "A Change Is Gonna Come", with Jon Bon Jovi. Just a month prior she sang at the Kennedy Centers Honors, honoring the rock group, "The Who". Still she was a mystery to many but she's been singing for a long time.
Perhaps one might say that she's a stranger in her own country, as she known all around the world in a huge way. Vocally she's like Etta James, Tina Turner and Denise LaSalle and yet she has her own way of breathing life into a song.
I recall watching the great diva, Ms. Barbra Streisand's expression as Ms. Lavette sang. I thought, "Wow". This was Ms. Lavette's moment in December 2008 and then the following month, January 2010, she was asked to sing for the new President, that's a moment written in future. Our first black President, Mr. Obama. Ms. Lavette will be recorded in history books for generations to come.
I haven't spoken to her since the interview but have continued to follow her journey and I must say, that so happy that Ms. Lavette is finally getting her turn to shine.
The details on her soon to be release CD were sent to me and I thought I would share them with you.
Interpretations: The British Rock Songbook' Out May 25 BETTYE LAVETTE BRIDGES THE ATLANTIC WITH NEW CD INTERPRETATIONS: THE BRITISH ROCK SONGBOOK OUT MAY 25 ON ANTI-
BETTYE LAVETTE brings the British Invasion home to its American R&B roots on her latest CD, INTERPRETATIONS: THE BRITISH ROCK SONGBOOK, due May 25 on Anti-. While BETTYE's Grammy-nominated 2007 disc The Scene Of The Crime went to the source to find triumph over her own anguish, INTERPRETATIONS looks to the past this time for inspiration and uncovers common ancestry in seemingly divergent musical paths.
Produced by BETTYE, Rob Mathes and Michael Stevens, the album is a 13-song journey through compositions by the Beatles, Rolling Stones, Led Zeppelin and Pink Floyd among others, before concluding right where the very idea for INTERPRETATIONS started: BETTYE's visceral show-stopping rendition of The Who's "Love Reign O'er Me" from the 2008 Kennedy Center Honors, which appears here as a bonus track.
That performance - which first brought BETTYE together with Stevens (the event's producer) and Mathes (its musical director) - served notice that BETTYE is no mere singer. As an extraordinary interpreter of song, she doesn't merely mold a piece of music to suit her tastes; she is a conjurer of deep, emotional truths:
"Bettye LaVette punched a hole right through her version of Pete Townshend's 'Love Reign O'er Me,' letting all the song's emotion pour out in a way that its creators never conceived," observed the New York Daily News. Townshend himself came up to Bettye after her performance, took her hands into his and said, "You made me weep."
Throughout INTERPRETATIONS, her performances are a revelation not just of raw emotion, but of the inexorable ties between British rock 'n' roll and the American blues and R&B, which when combined, catalyzed popular music. That Lennon, McCartney, and so many others who crossed the Atlantic in their wake, were deeply influenced by American music is no great secret. What BETTYE demonstrates here so convincingly is the degree to which rock 'n' roll and American soul remain bound by bloodlines.
The Beatles' pre-psychedelic Rubber Soul classic "The Word" takes on an almost religious fervor, while Paul McCartney's "Maybe I'm Amazed" is transformed from a majestic pop song into a stark, almost desperate expression of devotion. Profound alienation becomes intense longing on Pink Floyd's "Wish You Were Here," and the wistful naiveté of The Moody Blues' "Nights in White Satin" matures into a deep and unshakeable lament. BETTYE inhabits these songs, revitalizes them and exposes the humanity that makes these 13 tracks not just pop songs, but enduring works of art.
Such mastery hardly comes as a surprise to at least one legend featured here. Elton John (whose "Talking Old Soldiers" appeared on The Scene Of The Crime) offers this endorsement of BETTYE's impassioned take on "Don't Let The Sun Go Down On Me":
"Bettye LaVette has always been a wonderful singer - I have been a huge fan for many years. To my delight and surprise she recorded an amazing version of 'Talking Old Soldiers' - a song that nobody else has covered - and made it her own.
"Now she has recorded 'Don't Let the Sun Go Down on Me' and has done exactly the same - but this time with a much more familiar song. I am truly touched by her picking these songs and can only hope that this album brings more attention to this incredible artist."
The full track listing for INTERPRETATIONS: THE BRITISH ROCK SONGBOOK is as follows:
1. The Word (John Lennon/Paul McCartney) 2. No Time To Live (James Capaldi/Stephen Winwood) 3. Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood (Bennie Benjamin/Gloria Caldwell/Sol Marcus) 4. All My Love (John Baldwin/Robert Plant) 5. Isn't It A Pity (George Harrison) 6. Wish You Were Here (David Gilmour/Roger Waters) 7. It Don't Come Easy (Richard Starkey) 8. Maybe I'm Amazed (Paul McCartney) 9. Salt Of The Earth (Michael Jagger/Keith Richards) 10. Nights In White Satin (David Hayward) 11. Why Does Love Got To Be So Sad (Eric Clapton/Bobby Whitlock) 12. Don't Let The Sun Go Down On Me (Elton John/Bernard Taupin) 13. Love Reign O'er Me (Peter Townshend) [BONUS TRACK]
By John Frazier Sr. Entertainment Corresponden & Chief Editor
Who is this musical man?
He's an Executive Producer, also listed as the Album Producer and he's the vocal talent, in other words, Mr. Michael Ashanti is the genius behind his project of which he is. And what an amazing voice.
His musically influences are powerhouse singers, as such, Al Green, Donny Hathaway, Will Downing, Chaka Khan, Stevie Wonder, to name a few, however, at first listen, one might be reminded of Phillip Bailey of legendary, Earth, Wind & Fire. It's not that he's trying to sound like the classic group lead singer, it's like he's taken the torch to a whole new level.
Mr. Ashanti's single, "Hold On", is definitely a club pleaser as it has great dance beats, the "Sunday Morning" choir and is lead by a fantastic voice. This handsome, sexy, New York native is a talent that needs to be discovered here in the U.S.A. in a huge way.
Another excellent song is, "Sorry I Have to Go", which has great lyrics and is radio friendly. But my personal favorites are "the Internet (Club Remix)", which is more "house" than "club" and "Words" (Dance Remix) are the kind of songs that you can dance to all night long until daylight.
According to his bio: Most aspiring recording artists would consider a call back audition for the X-Factor (in England) talent competition to be a major mark on the path to becoming an overnight success - but Michael Ashanti is not most artists.
After reading the release form that would force him to hand over ownership of his entire identity, Michael made the bold decision to believe in his talents and follow through on his visions first by walking away from the second round of auditions.
Only time will tell if Mr. Ashanti made the right decision, however, if nothing else, he's doing it his way. His remake of the classic, Billy Preston and Syreeta Wright song, "With You I'm Born Again", is priceless. On this cut, you are able to really appreciate his God given vocal skills.
In 2009, his single, "the Internet (There's Nothing Wrong with Love) debut on the Logo Channel here in the United States. And he has performed at ("Hold On") the famous Apollo Theater in Harlem, NYC. Instead of instant success, Mr. Ashanti is taking his time, which allows him to stop and smell the roses.
His fan base is diverse. Not only is Mr. Ashanti sharing his talent vocally, but he has lend his celebrity as he volunteer's some of his time in the fight against AIDS around the world.
He has performed at various benefits and has dedicated his time in educating our youth and also the LGBT community in HIV/AID awareness.
Now as for his personal life, I don't know. I don't know if he's involved but I do know that he's committed in giving his fans the best.
For more information, click below: http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/ashanti www.michaelashanti.com www.myspace.com/michaelashanti www.facebook.com/michael.ashanti
By John Frazier Sr. Entertainment Correspondent & Chief Editor
A few years ago, I was walking down Lexington Avenue in the 60's, in NYC and coming in my direction was the divine Ms. Freda Payne. I was speechless. There she was, with little to no make-up and naturally beautiful.
I believe she knew that I knew who she was. Ms. Payne stopped in one of the local fruit markets and I followed, wanting to get a closer look. I brought a pack of gum or something, while she and a young man, I believe was probably her son, Greg Jr., read the New York Post, catching up on the gossip on page 6. Our eyes met and she smiled and I smiled like a little kid on Christmas morning.
Sometime after that, I become a member of "My Space" and befriended Ms. Payne. I told her about our first encounter, and she told me that the next time I see her, I should say hello. Wow, I hoped and prayed that I would run into her like immediately. During one of my e-mails to her, I mentioned that my favorite Freda Payne album was "Payne & Pleasure", and that I'd hoped that it would be released on CD.
I have two copies of it on vinyl. At that time, she didn't know if and when this album would be available like many of the other albums re-released from album to CD.
Now we are in the present, I just happen to receive an e-mail from SoulMusicStore.com and as I visited this site, I tabbed down to see what was new and there it was, "Payne & Pleasure". Oh my God! Finally!!
This album was originally released on Dunhill/ABC Records in 1974. Ms. Payne's voice is at its best and the background vocals are gospel heaven. Unfortunately, there's only 9 songs, unlike today's music where an artist could have 19 songs, and work that album for 2 to 3 years.
The first song, "It's Yours To Have", is very pop friendly but it's the other 8 songs that make you stop and listen, this lady can sing! My personal favorite is "Shadows On the Wall".
I can't understand why this song didn't get the exposure due. She does so much with her voice.
Then there are three classic songs, the Carpenters, "I Won't Last A Day Without You", Barbra Streisand's, "The Way We Were", and Donny Hathaway's, "A Song For You".
The other songs, " Didn't Tell I You", "I Get Carried Away", "Run For Your Life", and "Don't Wanna Be Left Out", will make you wonder why you had not heard this fantastic music before now.
This is the first album, after she left Invictus Records, the company own by Motown's hit makers, Holland, Dozier, Holland who are responsible for the fabulous music recorded by the Supremes and the Four Tops.
The music on "Payne & Pleasure" showed a different side of Ms. Payne, you hear the richness of her voice. You have to realize that this was a singer who was from Detroit, Mr. Berry Gordy wanted to sign her to his label, she sang (and still does) jazz, then pop but "Payne & Pleasure" was definitely soul music. The listener believes every lyric, every note.
Now it's available on CD and I couldn't be happier. So I say to you, if you want some music that's timeless, purchase your copy, go to: Soul Music
When I was young, my friend's mom use to make us a breakfast of pan fried bread in butter, with an egg in the middle. We thought it was the coolest thing ever, and we always felt so special eating it. But as with any dish, there are tons of recipes and variations. This breakfast favorite of ours has many names…as it turned out…
It's been called a frog in the pond, bird's nest, birdie in a basket, holey toast, bull's eye toast, one-eyed jack, egg in a window, egg on a raft, man on a raft, paddy egg, castle'd egg, special egg, knothole egg, one eyed Egyptian sandwich, eggy bread, "eggs with hats on top" and "eggy in the basket, and it goes on …
It made a notable appearance in the film Moonstruck, and several recipes for the dish have since been named "Moonstruck Eggs". The dish also appeared in the 2006 V for Vendetta film as "eggy in the basket". I'm sure it has made a mention or appearance in many other films.
In seeing Moonstruck, at the time, I remember those mornings at my friend's house as if it were yesterday.
Funny, how something so simple can spark such wondrous memories - they were certainly happy moments.
Recently, my friends and I were in Woodstock for a weekend getaway. We bought an enormous sheet of focaccia and a giant loaf of whole wheat rustic country bread, when breakfast arrived … we all wanted egg in a hole. An all time favorite shared with friends and family bring back old memories and is bound to create new ones.
Try this fun dish with the kids, and get creative. Most people think of egg as a breakfast food, but trust me - this is great for lunch, brunch or even dinner - as your main course or as a side. Here is my variation…
Egg in a Hole My Way …
Ingredients: Egg Focaccia (bread of your choice) Olive Oil Butter Truffle Butter Salt Pepper
Use a cookie cutter - or a glass and press out a hole in the center of the bread.
Heat a skillet (preferably non-stick) over medium heat
Melt the butter and add the bread
Fry the bread (if using a thicker cut of bread, flatten with a spatula) for about 2-3 minutes.
Flip the bread
Break an egg gently into the hole (careful not to break the yolk)
Season with salt and pepper
Cook for another 2-3 minutes, or until the egg sets
You can flip it again or cook until your desired doneness
(2-3 minutes total for runny eggs and 5 minutes total for firm eggs)
Remove from the pan and spread on the truffle butter and serve
Visiting NYC and wondering where to eat? Perhaps Ms. Kwan has an answer for you! Click here.
Dear Omar: I told a friend of mine that I've giving up sex. He said that I'm crazy, that men need to have sex. But I want to hold out, till having sex means something.
Tired of Quick Releases.
Dear Tired of Quick Releases: This is your decision. Many people are "holding out" as you called it. With diseases; syphilis is on the rise especially in the gay community. This has many afraid to have mindless sex. Wearing a condom may protect you but it's not 100% safe, as syphilis can be transferred by coming in close contact. Skin to skin.
Here are the signs: After 6 to 8 weeks, the person may experience flu like, fever, aches, headache, swollen glands. A skin rash may appear on parts of the body, around or on the penis, or hands, feet, on the body somewhere.
Many times the person may not notice a rash, as the rash could appear between the legs or around the buttocks.
Of course it could be the flu, however, the best way to know is by going to your doctor. And of course, if you do have it, get in touch with your sex partner or partners immediately, tell them to go to the doctor. In many cities, the Health Department will contact them, if you know the name and telephone number of the person.
If you're sexually active, you should get tested every 6 months for STD's. I agree with you Q.R., what's wrong with getting to know the person that you may have sex with. Syphilis is dangerous as all STD's are, and of course, you already know about HIV/Aids. For more information, you can call your local health department or call 1-800-321-4407.
Dear Omar: Just recently, I sat around on a Saturday night. I got bored and decided to purchase some escort entertainment. It was my first time doing this and I expressed this to my pending company. When we spoke, he sounded ok, but when he arrived, he asked to use the bathroom.
When he returned and saw the money I had on the coffee table, of which I was going to pay him once the services were rendered. Well, he saw the money, he quickly put it in his pocket and run out the door. I run after, but he was too fast for me.
I felt stupid and foolish. I hate myself for feeling so empty and alone. What is your take on my mental state?
Signed, Foolish Old Fool
Dear Foolish Old Fool: You mentioned that you were lonely. Emotional bonding comes to mind, however it sounds like you were way over your head in dealing with "sex for pay".
As alluring as it might have been, especially with movies like "Pretty Woman", you put yourself in danger. Thank God it was money that was stolen instead of your life.
In the future, pick up the phone & call a friend, go to the movies or go out to a friendly local bar, go to church, join a fitness center, make some new friends, try a dating service, but no more hustlers, escorts, period.
Dear Omar: I've been chatting on line with this guy who's almost 30 years younger than I. The conversation is great but we haven't been in the same room, since he lives in another state. He's just a voice on the phone, a pen pal at best.
A few days ago, he sent me a "dear john" letter, saying that I didn't appear interested in him and that he was getting back together with his ex. But he and I have never met, it has been an on-line encounter and 30 years is a huge age differience. Am I crazy or what?
Signed, 30 years.
Dear 30 years: You aren't crazy, it sounds like your young friend is hungry for love and perhaps since you were there and, yes, you are 30 years older, you became more of a father figure. Aromance like this, in my opinion, would not last. Just think if he's 30, you are 60. Hello?
Dear Omar: My ex broke up with me because he claims that I'm too nice and that his other lovers were bitches. I thought about begging him to take me back, telling him that I would be a bastard if that's what makes him happy. Do you think it's a good idea?
Broken-hearted
Dear Broken-hearted:
I think that your ex was looking for a reason to break off the relationship with you. It's easy to put the blame on yourself, when you really don't have a solid reason for breaking up, other than he may not be in love with you.
Your begging him would not change this situation; it would only delay his decision. Don't change who you are, your prince/princess will come along. As the Supremes said, "You can't hurry love, you just have to wait".
Dear Omar: I'm trying to stop having sex with f*ckbuddies. In the beginning it was fun but now once it's done, I feel emptier than before. How can I stop this habit? Am I a sex addict like Tiger Woods?
Signed Sexual
Dear Signed Sexual: Question: Is it love or loneliness? Sounds like you are lonely. Your F.B.'s are probably just as lonely as you are. I'm not saying that you aren't horny, but as you said, after a while, it's empty. Perhaps, if you're open to it, try dating. Tiger's situation is different than yours.
I don't think that you're a sex addict; personally a lot of folks are using "sex addict" as an excuse for bad behavior. I don't believe that you will be able to change the relationship you have with your F.B.;s, but moving forward, your new encounters should start off with going out for coffee, perhaps lunch or dinner, try a movie, a sports event or a Broadway play.
Get to know yourself and get to know that new person. You just might find something more than getting laid or after the movie and
the encounter you may find more of an attraction or connection when after the "act", you won't feel empty.
Dear Omar: I've become fast friends with someone. We talk about everything but there's one thing that I haven't shared with her. I'm HIV positive. I'm an extremely private person, she's invited me to go away with her on vacation, but if I do, my secret will be revealed. What should I do?
Signed: F.F.
Dear F.F: Wow, this is a difficult question, since everyone who's infected has his/her own way of dealing with it. Being HIV positive is not like it was years ago, as now everyone knows someone with this disease.
I believe you should get to know her better as sometimes new relationships have fast starts and even quicker endings.
When it's time to tell her you will know, don't stress about it. In the meantime if you go away on vacation, get separate rooms. Tell her that you like your privacy.
Dear Omar: I slept with this dude, like twice. We drank, had some weed, did "the do". The first time was ok and the second time was less than ok. I promised myself, we could be friends but nothing sexual. He's not my kind of guy, as he's a little portly. Unfortunately, I think he's fallen in love with me. I like the friendship but want nothing more. How do I tell him this without being rude?
From, Not Rude.
Dear Not Rude: We like who we like, so I understand you not being attracted to him. It sounds like a new friendship, so I would tell him that you really like the friendship and would prefer to keep it that way, friends only, as you don't want sex to get in the way of what could be a life-long friend. Tell him that you don't sleep with friends. That should do the trick.
Dear Omar: I'm dating this guy for three years now and every time his birthday rolls around, he claims it's the one time that he has to sleep with a female, we are both males.
Of course, leading up to his birthday we argue and fight, then he disappears and returns home the day after his birthday.
There are times that he's gone for about 3 days. During one of our disagreements, I told him that if he goes out to celebrate this way that I feel I should be able to go out and sleep with whomever. Of course, he disagrees with my point of view.
I love this man, but I can't stay in a relationship where every year, he allows himself a pass to cheat. What's your take on this sh*t?
Signed: Be Gone
Dear Be Gone: Funny I experienced that situation once. I agree with you, it doesn't matter if he's with a man or woman, if he's having sex with them, its cheating, as he's using the same equipment, his body. I think you already know what you have to do. Your partner is being selfish.
Your partner is probably caught in between both worlds, gay and straight. In his mind, if he's able to perform with a female, this makes him less gay.
But you know that's his issue and not yours. You can neither stay in that relationship and be faced with this event every year or you think with your mind and not your heart, and get the hell out of there.
Are you experiencing drama in your life and need another opinion, "Ask Omar". Send e-mails to dear.omar@yahoo.com
